Descent

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Friday, 2:00 pm. As I turn to call student to the carpet for our day’s closing ceremonies, I notice a raspy pain in my throat.

Friday, 6:00 pm. I drag myself home from school after three hours of planning and processing the week with co workers.  I walk the dog in pouring rain.  I don’t mind the Spring rain inspiration at first, but then my pants start sticking to my thighs, and the drench slowly makes its way down to my feet.

Friday, 6:30 pm. I open the fridge, see the same leftovers I have eaten every day this week, and suggest we get take-out bun tofu, our comfort food. I’m too tired to cook.

Friday, 8:40pm. After returning with the food, we watch the movie Keanu on HBO. I think about stopping the movie to get my laptop and write a blog post but the kitchen table seems really far away and the dog is curled up, half on my lap and half on my arm.  I consider, momentarily, asking my partner to get it for me, but I decide that is kinda ridiculous. Plus, I would still have to kick the dog off my lap to write. Oh well, one more missed day for the writing challenge.

Friday, 10:30pm. I am now up and take my laptop to bed, thinking I will at least get ahead of myself to write the post for Saturday. Dense knots start to appear inside my sinuses, my brain shuts down and I surrender to sleep.

Today, 12:00 am. I wake up, my throat burning with a dry cough. I’m hot but can’t get up to turn down the heat.

Today, 3:00-4:30 am.  I alternate between coughing and tossing about, trying to get comfortable. My body is coursing with electric sensations and muscle fatigue.  My heart is racing and I’m burning up.  I manage to get out of bed to turn down the heater and get some Nin Jiom Pei Pa Koa cough medicine powder. I imagine the battle between white blood cells and the cold virus.  I think, the virus will win if I stay amped up.  I must relax.  I try to master my mind with deep breathing and imagine sinking into the bed.  Usually I don’t have any problem falling asleep, but my standard techniques are not working. My partner snores so loudly she wakes herself up.  I start thinking the same thoughts over and over.  I guess I won’t be doing my 5K in the morning.  I listen to a half hour of my audio book and finally fall asleep when it’s over.

Today, 6:00 am. Sun is starting to make it’s way in through the wooden slats of the blinds.  I hear birds.  I’m still hot and I feel my mind switch back on. I think of the list of things I hoped to do today: 5K race, gardening, clean the house, start working on my resume and application for the award, dinner with friends and their new baby, just back from traveling.  I try to sleep again but then my partner’s up and getting ready for work.  I try the audio book again, but no luck. I text my friends I won’t make it to the race after all.  Joey returns from his walk and curls up on my arm, with his head in my hand.  I melt.

Today, 8:00 am. Stuck on Facebook.  My partner makes me breakfast: vegetarian wonton soup with eggs.  Now the sun is shining gloriously through the window and I think that maybe if I rest I can still get some of my to-do list done.

Today, 9:00 am. Back to bed. The brakes are on. I relax into the slowness and watch time slip through it like a black hole.

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5 thoughts on “Descent

  1. I know those steps well – I tend to to go back and put the pieces together when I catch a virus, as well. There’s always a moment where you hope the scratchiness will just be allergies and you’ll wake up feeling fine after some extra liquids. Sorry that didn’t happen for you! Feel better!

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